


You always hurt the ones you love

by Mallorysgirl



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Additional Warnings Apply, Danger, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, I promise to look after lexi, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Protect lexi at all costs, Resentment, Trigger Warnings, Using lexi to get at ben, things aren't always as bad as they seem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:21:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallorysgirl/pseuds/Mallorysgirl
Summary: What if Ben had left in the taxi with Phil, Louise and Lisa?It's been five years since he made a decision that cost him the ones he loved. Leaving wasn't easy, but he'll soon discover that coming back is so much harder.
Relationships: Ben Mitchell/Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway & Lexi Pearce, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 186





	1. Coming home

**Author's Note:**

> This ones been running around my head since Ben got out of the taxi at the end of the reunion episode. As i've currently got a major case of writers block when it comes to 'Happily ever after' I thought play with another plot.

Stepping back into Walford felt strange for the Mitchell clan. After more than five years sunning themselves on the Med avoiding detection from the police it was time to come home. Granted Portugal had its appeal of sun, sea and sangria but nothing beat the hustle and bustle of London’s east end. 

There was so much that Ben had missed from the moment he stepped off the plane into sunnier climes all those years ago. A decent fry up for starters, his mouth watered at the thought of tucking into one of his mom’s. Jam rolley polley and custard and a decent cup of tea came a close second and third. However as much as his belly craved the home comforts of good food most of all he missed Lexi and Callum.

The anticipation of seeing them again filled Ben with both excitement and dread. He had missed them both so much, that when he thought of them thousands of miles away from him his heart broke. He was desperate to see them, but at the same time his nerves crept in and the very real possibility of being rejected weighed heavily upon him. He hadn’t seen or spoken to either of them since the day he left. Missing out on watching his daughter grow up was slowly killing him until he couldn’t see the point of carrying on any longer. Phil had told him that it was for the best and that it would get easier. Ben had rather bluntly pointed out ‘what the hell would he know? His kids were with him, he got to see them everyday’

For once Phil never bit back, he just squeezed his shoulder and looked at him with sympathy before getting up and leaving the younger Mitchell man alone with this thoughts. The only person who actually brought him any comfort was Peggy. Ben doted on her! Anything she wanted or needed Ben got for her. He was so fiercely protective of her and she hung off his every word. It was almost like he was projecting all the love and devotion he was unable to give to Lexi onto Peggy. They had all noticed it Louise especially, she had tried to talk to him about his feelings but he had always just shut down. Ben hoped that now he was back in the manor he could make up for all the time he had missed, that was if Lola or Lexi for that matter allowed him too. 

He’d be lying if he said that time had mended his heart when it came to Callum. He was still under his skin and the love he felt was still as strong as the day he had told the Highway man that he was leaving. He hoped Callum was happy, really he did, but the idea that he had moved on and met someone else made him feel sick to his stomach.

Getting out of the taxi Ben held the door open for Louise and Peggy, while Phil paid the driver. 

“Glad to be home?” Phil asked, a broad smile spreading across his face “Even after five long years it still feels the same,”

“Only without a murder charge hanging over our heads,” Ben answered dryly “Who knew we’d be so happy to discover that Keanu Taylor was still actually alive?”

Louise scowled “And it turns out that bitch Sharon knew all along. It’s her fault we’ve been living in fear for so long,” 

Wrapping his arm around his sister’s shoulder Ben gave her a tight squeeze “Well the boys in blue know now, so at least were off the hook,” Staring at the house in front of him, Ben swallowed hard. His nerves were coming back “Come on, best knock on our own front door, only polite,” 

After leaving for Portugal, everything remained ticking over smoothly thanks in most parts to Shirley. Jay still ran the car lot and had taken over managing the Arches. The legit stuff was being looked over by him, while the more criminally colourful aspects of the Mitchell Empire were the responsibility of Shirley. Who of course gave herself an incredibly generous pay rise. In the beginning Phil had argued the toss, but very quickly realised that if he wanted to keep Shirley in his employment he really needed to give into her demands. 

Kathy, Lola and Lexi were still living in the house, but with the added addition of Jay and Bobby. 

Ian and Bobby’s relationship had broken down quickly after Ben’s departure. Ian had focused all his energy on saving Sharon after the Keanu scandal and had completely forgotten about his youngest child and exactly how much he was struggling. Ian had gotten it into his head that now Sharon was single and vulnerable he would be in with a chance. When he finally made his move Sharon had recoiled in horror and after an argument, which resulted in Ian viciously inferring that Sharon should be grateful for his attention, she fled to America with the baby and Dennis in tow. Ian was still trying to make a mends but was failing miserably. With no friends, an estranged mother and his remaining two children not speaking to him it looked very likely that he would end up a lonely old man. Granted Bobby only lived there when home from university but still now that the rest of the Mitchell’s were home it was going to be over crowded.

Tapping on the wooden door in front of him, Ben could feel his whole body shaking. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous; the family knew they were coming. Ben remembered the relief in his mother’s voice when she realised it was him on the end of the phone. He hadn’t got much sense out of her for the first five minutes of the call. She just sobbed and sobbed, telling him how much she loved him, missed him and desperately wanted to see him. It had made his heart swell at the time but he also felt a vast amount of guilt for putting her through this. She was waiting the other side of the door to greet him. Her smile was wide and her eyes quickly glossed over with tears threatening to fall. “Ben,” she whispered pulling him quickly into her arms, with no intention of ever letting him go again. Ben wrapped his arms quickly around her and rested his face against her shoulder breathing in her scent. Since he was a child she had always smelt like strawberries, he had made a memory of it the day he left. Pulling her close that morning before she left for work, he had held onto her like a frightened child. Surprised by his sudden affection she asked if he was ok. Smelling her hair and committing it to memory he told her he loved her and to have a good day. Leaving she had no idea that that was the last time she’d see or speak to him for the next five years.

“Any chance I could get into me own gaff?” Phil asked gruffly completely ruining the moment. Smiling at her former husband she let go of their son allowing them to proceed through the door but not before grabbing the older man and saying “Not even you are going to ruin my good mood Phillip Mitchell,” she grinned planting a kiss on his cheek, taking him completely by surprise “I’d even go as far as saying I’ve missed you too,”

Laughing lightly Phil’s smile was genuine “I’ll remind you of that in twenty-four hours time when you’re yelling at me for not putting the khazi seat down,”

“Lisa not with you?” Kathy asked closing the door behind them.

“No,” Louise answered “ With her new job and the dashing doctor she met out there it made sense for her to stay put for the moment. Been dating for over a year now and things seem to be going well,” Kathy observed that Louise seemed to be happy for her mother. Lisa had made mistakes with Louise just like she had with Ben but both of them always had their children’s best interests at heart. 

“Right ponce that Richard,” Phil complained “Thinks ‘imself something special,”

“You want to watch it Phil,” Kathy chuckled “Anyone would think you were jealous,”

“Do me a favour!” he groaned “I’ve lived with the woman for five years, god knows how we ain’t killed each other,”

Ignoring his parents playing banter tennis Ben made his way into the front room. His eyes falling directly on his brother “Jay,” 

Jay came bounding over to Ben, pulling him into his arms even more dramatically than Kathy had. “Bruv,” Jay choked trying desperately to hold back a sob. Pulling back to look directly at him, Ben finally felt like he was really home. Jay had been his constant from day one. They had been through so much together. Jay had been the one who taught him to defend himself ahead of the first time he went inside for battering Jordan. Jay had stood by him throughout everything with Heather, two stupid and frightened kids trying to make sense of this accident. He had even risked his own freedom for Ben. He had shown Ben the support he needed when he finally come out, helped him grieve for Paul. Stopped him making the mistake of killing Phil and encouraged him to take a chance on a relationship with Callum. 

“You’ve aged Bruv,” Jay observed teasingly noticing the worry lines that had began to form on the twenty eight year olds face.

“Charming!” Ben feigned insult “Least I ain’t going bald,”  
Jay shoved him playfully before both of them rested their eyes of a very quiet Lola. In fact all occupants of the room were looking at her and as time passed she remained silent. 

“Lo?” Ben began. He wasn’t sure how to start but he knew he had to make the first move. Their goodbye had been heated, with Lola yelling at him that he was going to break their little girls heart. She had begged him to stay, to try and find another way but he had still left.

“Ben,” she mirrored with amusement. 

“How are you?” he asked affectionately.

She let a small smile grace her lips “Alright,” she answered truthfully. Things hadn’t yet thawed but it was a start. He could see her guard was up, expecting him to run off again at a moments notice. Looking around the room quickly for someone else Ben quickly enquired “Where’s are girl?” 

Lola noticed the smile beaming from him when he mentioned Lexi. “I’ll go and get her,” Heading up the stairs Lola could feel herself softening to him.

“Benny, Benny,” Peggy’s sweet voice interrupted his conversation with Jay “Up, Up!” she began reaching for him, hands motioning to him. Reaching down for her he pulled her into his arms protectively, showing her off to Jay like a proud parent.

“Hello beautiful,” Jay cooed, “Someone has a fan,” Jay motioned to how clear it was that Peggy adored her uncle.

Ben laughed, “The feeling is mutual,” kissing Peggy on the cheek he cuddled her tightly “She’s stolen Uncle Ben’s heart haven’t you princess?” Ben’s smile faded quickly having noticed the room go quiet. He turned in the direction of the door and he felt his heart stop for a second. 

Lexi stood in front of him, stony expression upon her face as her eyes burned with hatred at him and the five year old in his arms.


	2. Dad's back

The room was filled with so much silence it was almost deafening!

A stand off was taking place in the Mitchell household between father and daughter and no one seemed brave enough to move. Ben’s eyes glistened and he smiled sadly. She quite clearly wasn’t his little girl anymore; she was a beautiful young woman full of strength and determination. He wished he could take credit for it but alas he could not. Those great attributes were courtesy of Lola and Lola alone, along with her beauty. He wanted her to know how much he had missed her, how much he loved her. He felt like his heart was going to burst. His baby girl was standing before him and the loss he had felt for some many years evaporated quickly. Ben moved towards Lexi, desperately wanting to pull her into his arms. 

To everyone’s surprise Lexi made a step back, putting some distance herself and Ben. It was almost as if a wall had come up between them. Her expression stayed unchanged, cold and guarded. Eyes that once shined so brightly in his presence no longer seemed to hold the same warmth. 

“Princess?” Ben questioned, visibly hurt by her rejection. He had known it wasn’t going to be easy, that he couldn’t just step back into her life and pickup from where he left off. But he had hoped for something more than this. 

His pet name for her evoked so many warm memories that Lexi could feel herself becoming overwhelmed by them. Her heart ached remembering that little girl whom night after night sat by the window waiting for her daddy to come home. It had become an ache that had quickly turned into anger, he had finally come home but now someone else had taken her place in his affections. Lexi felt betrayed and insulted, how could he have forgotten her so easily. 

Aren’t little girls supposed to the centre of their father’s world? Aren’t father’s supposed to protect you no matter what? 

It was ironic really. The one person who was supposed to keep her safe seemed to be the one causing her so much hurt. She knew that the family were watching her. They all presumed she would kick off, that she would allow her anger to consume her. However she remained eerily calm.

Turning her head to the side slightly she eyed the child still in his arms. She knew it was Peggy, Auntie Lou’s daughter. She hadn’t seen her since she was a baby but watching her in Ben’s arms Lexi knew she instantly hated her. Scrutinising them closely she came to the realisation that Peggy had taken something that was Lexi’s away from her. Stolen Ben without even knowing. Tearing her eyes from her cousin and turning back to answer Ben she coldly replied “It seems that I’m not your princess anymore,” 

Turning from her father calmly she looked around the room, eyeing each occupant, daring them to challenge her words. None did! Each recognised the truth behind them. 

Quickly she left, wanting to put some distance between herself and Ben.

“Lex,” he called, making after her. This was not the welcome home he was expecting. He had realised in an instant what she was thinking, Peggy was the little girl he adored now and Lexi had been thrown aside so to speak. It wasn’t true! He loved Peggy with all his heart but Lexi was his baby and his heart ached to be her dad again.

Lola stopped him before he managed to get through the door “Ben not now,” her voice was soft yet firm “She needs time. She hasn’t seen you for over five years and she’s just overwhelmed,”

Ben nodded sadly knowing that Lola was right, as much as he hated to admit it. 

“I’ll talk to her in the morning and then maybe you two can spend some time together,” she smiled reassuringly.

“Ok,” Kathy began breaking the tension “Takeaway tonight?” The Mitchell house descended into its usual madness. A house full of laughter and shouting, each person fighting to be the centre of conversation, leaving Lexi the opportunity to disappear through the front door unseen.

The night air held a bitter chill that was unexpected for late June making Lexi wish she had worn a warmer coat. It was dark now and the swing set next to the Arches was deserted, age and the wind making it creak. She was glad of the quiet really, she didn’t want to be disturbed. She wondered if anyone had noticed she’d gone yet? Doubtful! Sometimes she wondered if anyone even noticed she existed?

Especially now! Sometimes she really did feel like she didn’t belong. Seeing her father again had only validated that. All the anger and resentment she had felt since he left had risen to the surface the minute she had come face to face with him. 

“Why can’t you just love me?” she whispered into the nothingness “Why did you have to replace me?” 

“You ok there?” a voice came from behind the swing she was sitting on. A young man in his early twenties approached her.

“I’m fine,” she answered coldly.

“Really?” he asked, “Because you don’t seem it. You usually sit alone talking to yourself?”

“You usually hang around children’s parks late at night?” she challenged.

“Feisty ain’t ya,” he laughed, “You remind me of my kid sister,”  
“Well I don’t need an annoying big brother,” she snapped. 

“Hey,” he began holding his hands up in surrender “Just know I’d be worried if my sister was hanging out alone. My names Rob,”

“Lexi,” she answered thawing slightly towards the man.

“So Lexi,” he smiled sweetly at her “Why are you out here on your own? Won’t your parents be worried?”

“I doubt it,” she sighed, “I just wanted some time on my own. My house is always full of people. I can’t think and now that my dads moved back in it’s going to be worse,” Rob noticed the slight bitter tone in her voice and his interest perked up.

“Don’t you get along with your dad?” he questioned.

“I don’t really know him,” she shrugged “Hasn’t really stuck around long enough before,”

“Maybe it would help talking about it,” he offered, pressing further. He wanted to know more about this young girl and her troubled family life. Lexi never noticed the way he looked at her, it was almost sinister. She was more than some dumb kid that he had run into accidently; she just hadn’t registered how intrigued by her he was.

“You’re right,” she answered getting up from the swing smiling “Talking’s just what I need to do. Thanks,” 

Before Rob had chance to respond she was gone and he was left alone on the swing contemplating his next move.

Taking his advice Lexi made her way to the one person who would understand what she was feeling and more importantly would listen to her. Knocking the door repeatedly until she finally got an answer, it swung back quickly revealing a rather surprised looking Callum standing behind it.

“Lex?” he questioned surprised at her late evening call. It was almost nine o’clock “What are you doing here?” 

About to speak Lexi’s attention moved in the direction of the brunette gentleman making his way over to the door “Cal, who is it? He smiled sweetly at Lexi as he came closer waiting for an explanation.

“Oh yeah,” Callum began “This is Lexi…. She’s…”

“…His daughter,” Lexi deadpanned leaving both men speechless.

“You have a daughter? The brunette asked surprised.

“What? No!” Callum began flustered looking at Lexi like she’s gone mad.

“Really dad!” she feigned hurt “I know you want nothing to do with mom since you’ve come out but I never thought you’d abandon me,” Lexi cried distraught.

“You selfish arsehole!” the brunette spat disgusted, slapping a shocked Callum around the face before turning to Lexi “You deserve better than him honey,” And with that brunette boy stalked out of the flat outraged.

Turning back wide-eyed Callum yelled “Lex! What the hell?”

Her composure returning instantly and her eyes drying immediately Lexi looked at him intensely and uttered the two words that Callum knew could quite easily destroy him.

“Dad’s back!”


	3. Uncle Callum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one tonight but I felt that it was the best way to end this chapter.

“Dad’s back!”

Two simple words that had tipped Callum’s world on it’s head. He had spent so long trying to forget Ben Mitchell. Years of drowning his sorrows, throwing himself into work and even attempting to sleep his way through the alphabet to numb his heartbreak hadn’t worked. 

Ben still firmly sat in both his head and his heart. The first few months without him had practically been a daze. He barely ate, losing so much weight that people started to believe that he had an eating disorder. Walking around unkempt with bags under his eyes had caused concern to most of the residents of Albert Square. He would hear them whispering around him. ‘I can’t believe that Ben did a runner and left Callum, he’s such a sweet guy,’ ‘He could do so much better than a Mitchell’ 

He had tried to avoid people as much as possible by becoming quite the recluse. He hated their pitying looks and vicious gossip. Night after night alone in his bed he wished that Ben had thought him worth staying for. 

Then came the drinking! Drowning himself in enough Jack Daniels to sink a ship, for a while it blotted out the world and the loneliness of living without the man he loved. Drinking subsequently led to seeking comfort in other men’s arms. Any arms would do in fact. He craved the intimacy he once had with Ben, but no man could ever come close. He wanted to feel more than the numbness that came from the drinking and the casual sex. One face blurred into another but none of them were Ben. 

He knew people thought he was behaving out of character but he didn’t care. Who were they to judge? None of them knew how he felt. Relationships were a definite no no. He never let a bloke stay around long enough to form an attachment. Once they started to take to close an interest Callum shut it down and pushed them away. 

Ben Mitchell had ruined him for any other man.

“Don’t forget the marshmallows Uncle Callum,” Lexi called from the sofa pulling Callum from his thoughts.

“I thought it was dad,” he responded giving her a bemused look.

Biting her lip, Lexi had the good grace to at least look guilty “Sorry,” 

“Doesn’t matter,” he laughed handing Lexi her drink. 

“I can explain to…?” 

“Aaron,” Callum confirmed “Nah it’s fine, you did me a favour if truth be told. He was becoming way too clingy” he laughed.

“Is it because he’s not… dad?” Lexi cautiously asked sipping her hot chocolate.

Callum gave her a confused look so she carried on. “These boyfriends that you have don’t seem to be around very long. Do you not want any of them to become official because they aren’t my dad?” 

“Maybe we should concentrate on your relationship with your father rather than mine,” he retorted giving her a pointed look.

She looked at him sadly “What relationship?” she sighed looking down at her drink “He abandoned me remember,”

“Look I know you’re hurt Lex,” Callum began “But it wasn’t quite like that. Your dad….” Callum pondered the best way to put this “He got himself involved in something he couldn’t get out of. He had to leave otherwise he would have got into trouble for something he hadn’t done,”

“Killing Keanu?” 

Callum looked at her wide-eyed, surprised that she was privy to that information. 

“People think I’m stupid Uncle Callum,” Lexi began rolling her eyes “I hear things you know, I listen more than people realise,”

He smiled at her affectionately. There was a time when he thought that one day she would be his daughter. Although his and Ben relationship hadn’t last very long in the grand scheme of things didn’t mean that at the time he didn’t fantasise about the future. A future where him and Ben were all domesticated and he was had his own little family with Ben and Lexi.

As if almost reading his thoughts Lexi put her mug down on the coffee table and took Callum’s arm, draping it around her shoulder as she lent into his side. “I wish you were my dad,” Looking up at him sadly he knew that she didn’t just mean instead of Ben. She to had imagined if things had been different, if Ben had stayed for them both instead of running. He would have been Daddy Callum. But alas sadly it wasn’t meant to be, but he was the next best thing.

Pulling her closer he placed a soft kiss on her head reassuringly “Love you too kiddo,” he smiled. Settling comfortably into this position they stayed silent for a few minutes letting the realisation that Ben Mitchell was in fact back in both of their lives. Callum hoped that even though he himself could never find his way back to Ben, Lexi however would be different.

“Try and give your dad a chance Lex,” he asked softly “Whatever you think, he does love you. I know it would have broken his heart leaving you all those years ago,”

“I still remember the last time I saw him,” she mumbled beside him “I told him that I had a wobbly tooth and asked him to pull it out for me,” her voice was full of sadness as the memory flooded back “He told me that Uncle Jay would have to pull it out as he was going away. I told him the tooth fairy would have to wait,” Lexi sat up slightly and wiped away the tears falling from her eyes. Callum’s heart broke for her when he caught a glimpse of her pained face. She tried to act tough, she was a Mitchell after all but right now she was a frightened and confused little girl. “I spent so long waiting for him to come home Uncle Callum and he never did,” 

Callum pulled her close as she cried; “I hate him!” she spat angrily.

“No you don’t sweetheart,” he replied sadly “If you did it wouldn’t hurt so much,”

“I do! I hate him,” she cried “I hate him and I hate her!”

“Who?” he asked pulling back to meet her eyes.

“Peggy,” she confirmed, “She took him from me,”

“What?” Callum was confused.

“He loves her now,” she answered “Not me,” 

“No sweetheart…” he began.

“Can I stay here Uncle Callum,” she pleaded, “I don’t want to go home tonight,”

Lexi knew that giving Uncle Callum her sad eyes worked ninety-nine percent of the time and he was just about to agree but his phone ringing stopped her getting her own way.

Pulling it out of his pocket he recognised the panicked voice before he even read who it was “Lola calm down I can’t understand you. What? No she’s here, she told me that you knew where she was,” He shot Lexi a disapproving look “We’ll be there in five,” Shutting off his phone Callum stood up and grabbed his coat, motioning for Lexi to follow. “Come on mischief maker, time to face the music,”


	4. Changes

When Lola discovered Lexi wasn’t in her room she was surprised. 

When she realised that she wasn’t anywhere in the house she was concerned. 

When the entire square had been searched by every Mitchell she could find and still no one had found her she was practically frantic.

Panic coursed through her, she knew that Lexi had been nervous about her father’s return but her behaviour in the lounge this afternoon had taken her by surprise. Lexi had always been a daddy’s girl. She adored Ben and as a small child she spent most of her time looking at him like he’d hung the moon and stolen the stars in the sky for her.

When Lexi had finally realised that he wasn’t just away for work and she wasn’t going to see him again it broke her heart. At first she was in denial, Daddy was coming home soon he wouldn’t leave her. Then she cried, cried until Lola’s heart broke. Night after night she would rock her daughter to sleep as she sobbed calling out for Ben. When the tears subsided, anger took its place! For a long time Lexi’s behaviour had been out of control. She was disruptive at school, constantly causing fights or damaging school property. She had been suspended several times and the school had come close to expelling her. Lola knew that she had been acting out because she couldn’t process Ben abandoning her like he had. 

Things had finally had begun to calm down and she had settled into Walford High really well. Lola knew she had Callum to partly thank for that. He seemed to be a calming influence upon her and the fact that he wanted to spend time with her helped restore the self-esteem that Ben’s disappearance had stolen. It helped that he adored her and in him she had found a surrogate Uncle Callum.

“Callum!” Lola blurted out startling both Ben and Jay as they walked through the door.

“Huh?” Ben responded looking surprised. That was a name he hadn’t expected to hear again so soon. He felt his heart flutter even after all this time just at the mention of his former love. “What about him?”

“Lexi,” she began “If she’s upset, then the one place she would go would be Callum’s,” Pulling her phone out she quickly searched for Callum’s number, shushing Ben as he asked “Why Callum?”

“Callum,” Lola began “Callum its Lexi…”

Ben could hear Callum’s voice trying to calm her down, a voice that had always been able to calm him down. He noticed a sigh of relief as Lola physically relaxed, meaning that Lexi was safe. “Great, I’ll see you in a minute,” Lola finished hanging up the phone. “She’s safe, Callum’s bringing her over. She’s also dead and grounded when I’m finished with her,”

“Wait,” Ben interrupted “Callum’s bringing her here,” Jay and Lola both noticed Ben pale, he looked as nervous as he had earlier waiting for Lexi to come downstairs.

“You’ve got to face him at sometime Ben,” 

“No I ain’t,” he said defensively “I figured I’d just go around dodging him for the rest of me life,”

“How’d you think that’s going to work out for ya?” Lola asked sarcastically

“It was going fine until I found out my ex and my daughter are besties,” Ben retorted.

“What you just expected Callum to disappear from her life like you did?” Lola spat annoyed at Ben’s audacity. He had no room to pass judgement and give his parental opinion. “You lost the right to make decisions on Lexi’s life the minute you abandoned her,”

“You think I wanted to leave?” Ben yelled “It broke my heart leaving her, leaving him,” he admitted sadly. “There wasn’t a day that went by when all I wanted was Callum by my side and our little girl in my arms,” His voice broke with emotion. 

“Never did anything about it though did you,” Lola snapped “No you were sunning yourself in Portugal while I was the one holding our daughter night after night as she cried herself to sleep because of you. I was the one up the school begging them not to expel her because she started yet another fight or again flooded the science lab. Oh did I mention the time she set fire to a desk,”

“Enough!” Jay shouted leaving both his girlfriend and brother subdued and seething “Lexi is not walking into the middle of this,” It was more of a command than a plea.

The room had begun to thaw metaphorically by the time Callum and Lexi made their way through the backdoor. Time stood still for both Ben and Callum the moment they laid eyes on each other. Five years hadn’t stopped either of them feeling that warm rush of excitement and nerves that filled their bodies. It hadn’t lessened the love and want and need they felt for each other. Neither we’re able to form the words that conveyed their feelings. The air was just filled with a silence that was neither inviting nor uncomfortable. 

“Ben,” Callum acknowledged smilingly warmly finally breaking it.

“Callum,” he responded tentatively. Callum’s smile helped ease some of his nerves but he still wasn’t sure his emotions wouldn’t betray him.

“Lexi,” Lola hugged her daughter. All eyes turned to the young girl before them.

“You had us all worried kiddo,” Jay said seriously also pulling her into a hug.

“Sorry Uncle Jay,” Lexi answered looking up at him ashamed “I never meant to worry anyone,” “I know sweetheart,” Jay smiled, again pulling her closer and kissing her head “Just next time let us know if you’re going out,” 

“Ok,” she nodded “Mom can I go watch telly?”

“For now,” Lola answered “But you and I need to talk later ok,”

“Night Uncle Callum,” she said wrapping her arms around his waist “Sorry again about Aaron,” All three adults looked over at the exchange puzzled. Callum just laughed and rolled his eyes. 

“Forget it Mischief maker,” he grinned, “Just give me fair warning next time,” 

“Everything ok?” Lola asked concerned once her daughter had disappeared out of sight. 

“Yeah,” Callum laughed “Apart from your daughter cock blocking me,” Off Lola’s wide eyed look, and Ben total shock at the idea that Callum could come out with such a thing, he elaborated further “I was entertaining….” Callum began “….when Lexi knocked. She proceeded to tell my guest that she was my daughter and that just because I didn’t want anything to do with her mom since coming out, didn’t mean I should abandon her,” His eyes again met Ben’s and he was sure that there was a flicker of jealously behind them. That couldn’t be right though, Ben had left him remember. Cast him aside like he meant nothing, no Ben Mitchell had no feeling for him.

“Oh god Callum,” Lola began putting her hands to her mouth in shock “I’m so sorry. She’s for it tomorrow,” 

“Nah don’t sweat it, I’d rather have not received the slap from him but…” Callum laughed “…she did me a favour really. Aaron was getting way too clingy anyway,”

“Aaron,” Jay inquired “Thought you were seeing Tom?”

“Nah,” Lola interrupted “It was Mike last week,”

“Alright, alright,” Callum laughed dismissing their teasing “Can I help it if I’m that irresistible?” 

Lola playful shoved Callum “Yeah, yeah Casanova, you’re such a babe magnet,” she mocked, “I forgot you were Mr anti-commitment now,”

“Who says babe magnet in 2024?” Callum teased “Mate your girlfriend is so behind the times,”

“I know,” Jay laughed “But what she hasn’t got in style and trend she makes up for in other ways,” He winked at Lola before going in for a kiss.

“Oi,” Lola dodged him sticking her tongue out amused “Play nice,”

Watching the jovial exchange between his brother and his exes, the realisation that two major things had changed since he was gone. The first was that he no longer knew his place. His life had stayed perfectly still while all of theirs had moved on. His daughter had new father figures in the form Uncle Jay and Callum. The latter man whose heart had quite clearly mended. What an idiot he was to think everything would just slot back into place. 

The second was even worse. It dawned on him quickly that Callum had quite clearly turned into him. Bouncing from one hook up to the next, not looking for commitment. That was his doing; he had tainted his beautiful sweet Callum. 

His heart broke all over again with the chilling realisation that he had quite clearly ruined Callum!


	5. Daddy's girl

Lexi was seething! 

Her father had been home two weeks now and she was being forced to play happy families. After her disappearing act the first night he was home, her mom had pleaded with her to make an effort. She really didn’t want to! Why should she? She was the one who had been abandoned yet she was the one making all the sacrifices.

Lexi had been avoiding time alone with Ben as much as possible but this morning she had been ambushed by her parents. Lola had promised to take her shopping for an outfit for her birthday party. Granted it was still weeks away but she needed time to find the perfect dress. Everything was arranged until her mom informed her that she now had to work, but it was fine because Ben was free to take her. 

“What? No! Mom?” Lexi began uneasy with this new arrangement. She didn’t really care that a flicker of hurt shot across her father’s face as she rejected his offer. “I want you to take me, you promised,”

“I know sweetheart,” Lola feigned disappointment. “I’d take you shopping but Chantelle is off sick, besides…” Lola grinned at both of them “Gives you two chance to catch up,”

“Catch up!” Lexi snapped. Lexi wasn’t stupid she knew her mom well enough to know she had orchestrated this situation “You make it sound like he’s been away on holiday for two weeks, not returning after abandoning his daughter for five years,” 

She watched her father physically flinch at her words. That mixed with her mother’s disapproving look made her feel slightly remorseful. “Fine!” she huffed “I’ll go and get my jacket,” 

She heard her mother wish Ben luck. Lexi wasn’t going to make this easy for him; he was definitely going to need it. 

After reluctantly leaving the house Lexi found herself wandering around White City determined leave Ben bankrupt. After the initial awkwardness between them things seemed to be thawing. Ben thought back to when he entered Lexi’s life at six. Back then he had been nervous about how the little girl would react when told ‘Lex this is daddy’. But back then she had took it in her stride and welcomed him. Instantly eager to get to know him, all he had to do was sit down and help her with her colouring book and crayons and ‘hey presto’ he was an instant hit!

Now however it was that little bit harder. Lexi was a typical prepubescent girl, full of whit, sarcasm and a truckload of daddy issues. All of which she had required from him. Looking at her now he saw so much of himself a few years older in her that it scared him. Jay had given him a clear account of Lexi’s behaviour after he left. Her grief of losing him quickly turned into anger and destruction, lashing out at anyone in her way. She was more like him that either of them would care to admit though.

He knew buying her love was a bad idea but he felt compelled too. In this own way with every item he bought her he was trying to apologies for the last five years. 

The £150 red glitter dress from Coast translated into “I’m sorry I left”

The £70 Irregular choice shoes with a Queen of Hearts design meant, “I’m sorry I missed all your birthdays”

The £30 silver clutch bag from Top Shop said “Christmases too” 

And the £125 he spent in Pandora on a Disney bracelet and several charms begged her to believe him. 

As the morning wore on he seemed to get more than the few grunts he had at breakfast from her. They had gotten to the point where they were actually having a proper conversation. It was only the first step but it made his heart swell. Lexi seemed both happy and surprised that he was taking an interest in her life. He seemed to want to know everything! How she was doing at school, who her friends were, what she liked doing in her spare time? She had started to relax in his company, much to the relief of Ben.

“So how about you and I do something this weekend?” Ben asked hopeful 

“Like what?”

“Well I know your going to the cinema with Uncle Callum but maybe bowling?”

“Ok,” Lexi answered smiling.

“Do you see a lot of Uncle Callum?” Ben enquired trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

“A little,” Lexi responded amused “We hang out sometimes, he’s cool,”

“Yeah,” Ben smiled fondly “He is,”

“Do you still love him?” Lexi asked causing Ben to cough and splutter his drink everywhere.

“What?” he choked, grabbing at the paper napkins on the table in an attempt to clear up the mess and compose himself at the same time.

“Well he’s never gotten over you,” Lexi answered as a matter of fact. Like sharing Callum’s biggest secret wasn’t a big deal. “That’s why he never has the same boyfriend two weeks running. Even as a kid I can see that,”

Ben stared at her surprised, surely that couldn’t be true. Granted he himself had never got over Callum but the felling couldn’t actually be mutual. He never felt good enough for Callum and after he left he assumed that Callum would finally meet an equal to share his life with. 

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” Lexi told him rising from her chair. Watching her go Ben smiled to himself, he was starting to believe that he had reached a turning point with his daughter. They had started to relax in each other’s company and it felt so nice just to be around her again. He was abruptly pulled from his thoughts when his eyes wandered over to the escalator, he spotted Lexi talking to a man he didn’t recognize. She was smiling and they were both laughing. Watching closely he noticed the man who looked in his mid to late twenties place his hand on her upper arm and stroked it affectionately. 

Panic rising through him Ben got up and quickly made his way over to them with a fierce determination. “Lexi?” he called. Turning towards her father smiling Ben noticed the man quickly make his exit down the escalator. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked frowning at the concerned look on his face. 

“Who was that?” Ben demanded concern etched across his features. He peered over the side of the barrier in the hope to catch a glimpse of the man 

“Nobody,” Lexi answered amusement growing at Ben’s behaviour 

“He must be someone,” Ben answered sharply “He seemed to be taking quite an interest in you,” He began to usher his daughter back toward the table to collect their belongings, which by some miracle were still there.

“I don’t know who he is, I’ve never met him before” Lexi lied picking up some of her purchases, leaving Ben to grab the rest. 

Heading back towards the car neither saw the figure standing in the shadows of the low-lit multi-story intently watching them. As the car headed down the ramp and out towards the street, the figure stepped out of the darkness. Pulling out his phone it rang twice before it was picked up.

“Si it’s Rob,” he began, a smirk spreading wide across his face “You were right, she is Mitchell’s daughter,” 

Lexi remembered a time when she felt like the centre of Ben’s world. For so long she had put him on a pedestal and she never thought she could love anyone as much as she loved her dad. 

The void that he had left in her heart while he was away still remained but spending time alone with him today gave her hope that maybe one day soon that void would again be filled.

Well!……

…. That was until about ten minutes ago.

For once she had felt like his first priority, something she hadn’t felt like in a long time. The drive home had been fun, Little Mix was playing on the radio and Lexi cranked up the volume singing along to Black Magic with enthusiasm. 

Turning towards her father she noticed him grinning, “Do you remember me teaching you to dance to this?” he asked fondly.

“Yeah,” she laughed “You moved much better than Uncle Jay,”

“Ha!” Ben laughed, “That’s because he had two left feet,” Together they sang along, finishing the song together a warm feeling spreading through both of them.

“I missed you,” Ben began glancing at Lexi before muting the radio. She hung her head low not wanting to look at him for fear of her emotions betraying her. “There wasn’t a day that went by that you weren’t in my thoughts,” 

“You left me,” Lexi tried to keep her voice even desperate to show no emotion. Ben sighed; they had just pulled into the square. Parking up next to the house he switched off the engine and turned towards her in his seat.

“Lexi,” he started trying to find the right words “Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done,” He could see tears forming in her eyes as he watched her bite her lip to compose herself. “Baby look at me,” he said softly.

Turning towards him, her blue eyes betrayed her. Ben’s heart ached “I’m sorry,” he apologized. Lexi never said anything to frightened that her voice would falter. Instead she just nodded as Ben grabbed her hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

“Come on,” he grinned “Let’s go show your mom what we’ve bought,” 

Nodding enthusiastically Lexi followed him into the house via the kitchen.

“Hey you two,” Kathy greeted them smiling “How was your day?”

“Good,” Lexi answered.

“I see you’ve been busy,” she laughed.

“Wanna see what Dad bought me Nanna Kath?”

“Of course,” Kathy beamed pleased that Ben and Lexi seemed to be growing closer “Everyone’s in the front room let’s head in there,”

Lexi was in her element showing off her purchases and twirling around in her new dress feeling like a princess. 

“Exactly how much did you spend Ben?” Lola asked 

“You don’t want to know,” he laughed “But…” he added quieter “I’ve got some making up to do haven’t I,” 

“Benny pretty,” Peggy grinned holding up something shiny that she had taken an interest in. Quickly recognizing it as her new bracelet Lexi snatched it out of her hands “That’s mine,”

Instantly the child began to cry “Hey,” Louise snapped, “There’s no need for that,” 

Picking Peggy up quickly and shushing her Ben looked at Lexi disappointedly “Lexi apologise now,” 

“No!” 

“Lexi…”

“It’s not fair,” Lexi, whined, “It’s mine!” Looking around the room all eyes were on her and she could see the disappointed looks, even from her mother. Anger filled her, she wouldn’t cry, she was definitely too angry for that. Even now Ben was putting her last. In this moment standing before her, protectively holding Peggy in his arms he had again made his choice. Eyes blazing with fire she starred back at her cousin, the young girl oblivious of the hurt she was causing Lexi 

“STOP TAKING THINGS THAT ARE MINE!” she screamed making the child turn further into Ben’s body crying. 

Lexi was out of the room before any of them had chance to react, heading up the stairs and locking herself in the bathroom. Furiously wiping away the tears that began to fall she just wanted to get away from it all. 

She sent the text before she had even properly thought it through. 

Lexi: “I need to talk :( “

The response was instant “Meet me in the park at 9. R x,”


	6. Two plans are better than one!

“You know that was about you right?” Lola said giving Ben a pointed look.

“No! Really?” Ben retorted sarcastically “Whatever gave you that idea?” Sometimes Lola had a knack of stating the obvious. 

“Alright mate,” Jay responded trying to calm the situation down “Take it easy. This ain’t Lola’s fault,”

“What! So, it’s mine?” Ben began to get defensive. “I don’t need reminding that I’m the worst dad of the year,”

“Only to our daughter apparently,” Lola snapped “You seem to be doing a top job there,” She motioned towards Peggy who he was holding onto protectively. Before Ben had chance to answer Louise quickly rose from her seat and squared up to Lola angrily. 

“Don’t bring my daughter into this just because you can’t control yours,”

“YOU WHAT?” Jay managed to grab his girlfriend around the waist as she aggressively stepped into Louise’s space. Knowing Lola well enough Jay had no doubt that she could wipe the floor with her without as much as breaking a nail. They had enough problems right now though without Lola being arrested for assault while Louise spent the evening picking her teeth up off the floor.

“Calm down Lo,” Jay whispered in her ear 

Taking a breath Lola gathered her thoughts for a moment. She had five years’ worth of anger and resentment bubbling under the surface and now it felt close to erupting. Somehow however she kept her voice eerily calm. “Over the past five years I’ve watched my beautiful bright daughter change into a hurt and confused young girl full of anger and resentment. I held her night after night as she cried herself to sleep, convinced that she was the reason you left,”

“Lo….” Ben began

“I’m not finished,” she responded loudly giving Ben a glare that said, ‘I dare you to speak again’ Ben stayed quiet, head bowed down like a small child being scolded for misbehaving. “Do you realise that you have been in Peggy’s life longer than you’ve ever been in your own daughters. She watches you with her and I can see the sadness and jealously she feels. She feels like you abandoned her and that if you loved her half as much as you seem to love your niece that you wouldn’t have left her,” Turning towards Louise she added “So don’t you dare criticise now I’m bringing my daughter up,” 

“I love my daughter,” Ben responded feeling ashamed.

“Then maybe you should start showing it Ben,” Lola sighed “Because god knows even, I’m starting to wonder,”

That hurt! Ben felt the pain hit straight through his heart. “That’s not fair Lola,” Phil interjected. Ben looked at his father surprised that he had jumped to his defence. On any other day he would have expected Phil to agree that he wasn’t up to this parenting lark, but here he was supporting his son. 

“With all due respect Phil,” Lola began “You’ve barely said five words to your granddaughter since you’ve been back, so I don’t really think your in a position to give your opinion,”

Phil bristled, eyes looking like they were about to bulge out of their sockets. Age may have started to catch up with Mitchell patriarch, yet the idea of someone thinking they had the right to put him in his place didn’t sit well with him. “Remember this is my house,” he threatened “If you don’t like it here you can always leave,”

“Fine! You’re quite right,” Lola agreed determined to have the last word “Maybe we’ve outstayed our welcome. I’ll go pack, we’ll stay with Pops and Honey until we can sort out alternative arrangements,”

“No!” Ben panicked knowing that any hopes of a relationship with Lexi would disappear if they moved out. Turning to Phil, Ben pleaded with his father “Please dad, I can’t lose my daughter again,”

His father looked at him sympathetically, he had watched his son become a shadow of his former self over the last five years. He’d witnessed the light slowly begin to disappear from his eyes, the loud, brash and cocky lad he once was had been changed by tragedy and grief. He was older than his years and Phil knew that he was more than partly to blame for his version of his son. “Fine,” Phil grumbled “Please stay Lola,”

Jay knocked Lola’s shoulder gently with his own to get her to gracefully accept this olive branch that Phil was holding out. Rolling her eyes at her boyfriend she briefly swallowed her pride and accepted “Thank you Phil,” 

“Great,” Kathy cut through the tension “Maybe we could now focus on the problem at hand,” She looked up at the ceiling motioning that she meant Lexi “We’ve got a very mixed up and hurt little girl upstairs who if were not careful is going to go back into self-destructive mode. Which is going start affecting everyone in this household including….” She trailed off but they all knew she meant Peggy “It’s not fair on her, she’s five and she doesn’t understand why Lexi seems so angry with her,”

“I know Lexi is out of line,” Lola began sadly “And I understand why you were upset Louise,”

The Mitchell blonde nodded acknowledging Lola’s sort of apology “I would have probably reacted the same way you did Lo,”

“We all need to be on the same page,” Kathy added “This is not going to work if we can agree and work as a team,”

“What do you suggest?” Ben asked his mother.

“Support and understanding,” Kathy answered confidently “But with boundaries, because she will act up again. Several of us in this room have witnessed how bad her behaviour can become and we want to stamp that out before it has chance to develop,”

They all nodded in agreement “Maybe Callum could speak to her,” Jay suggested “It seemed to really help last time,”

“I’ll fill him in tomorrow,” Lola concurred. 

Ben felt his heart flutter at the mention of his ex’s name, he hadn’t seen much of Callum since he was back. He knew however that if he was going to be part of his daughter’s life, in some way he was going to have Callum somewhere in his.   
________________  
Lexi sat on the swing clutching the chains tightly feeling lost. She felt so unwanted, she was quite clearly not the daughter Ben had hoped for. Was she really that unlovable? She saw the disappointment on everyone’s face, including her mother’s. She just needed someone to talk to, someone who understood. Usually she would go to Uncle Callum’s, but she knew he was working tonight.

That’s why she had texted Rob.

She hadn’t known him long, but he seemed to understand her. He treated her like an adult, he listened to her and didn’t patronise her like she was just some dumb kid. He had been in the shopping centre at lunchtime much to her surprise. Her dad had seen them talking and instantly jumped to the conclusion that Rob was some sort of weirdo. That’s why she had lied about knowing him when he asked who he was. 

To begin with, she herself had been weary of him, the first time they met she thought he was a bit of a creep. But on their second meeting she felt quite sorry for him. She remembered that he was sitting in the park crying when she entered. It’s not every day that you find a grown man sitting on a swing crying. She had approached him carefully and sat down beside him. She found that they both opened up quite easily about what was troubling them. He had told her about his kid sister who had tragically died the year before having been hit by a car. He told Lexi that he had been powerless to stop her as she stepped into the road and that he blamed himself every day. That’s why he had been compelled to talk to Lexi the night he found her sitting on the swings. Apparently, she reminded him of Danielle, and he felt like he could do some good if he could help Lexi. That afternoon they had swapped numbers and Rob had told her that if she ever wanted to talk then to just text. Up until now Lexi hadn’t told him much about what was going on at home, but she had come to the decision that she needed to off load to someone. Someone who wouldn’t judge her, just listen. That was clearly lacking at home.

He startled her slightly when he initially sat down, “You ok?” he asked 

She shook her head sadly “My dad doesn’t want me,” she whispered 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” he responded 

“It is,” Lexi confirmed “He abandoned me, left and moved to another country. Now he’s back and he gives all his love and attention to my cousin whose been living with him for the last five years,”

Rob could see the tears slipping down her face and smiled to himself “It sounds like your dad is an idiot,”

Lexi laughed despite the tears “Yeah,” she sniffed “And now everyone else at home thinks I’m in the wrong. I can’t do anything right,”

“Then don’t,” Rob smirked.

“What?” Lexi laughed confused.

“If you’re always in the shit, then does the depth really matter,”

She looked at him completely baffled “That makes no sense,”

“Look,” he grinned “I wouldn’t normally suggest getting into trouble but if you’re already being blamed for stuff you might as well actually misbehave. At least you’ll get to have some fun and your dad will have to give you some attention. Even if it’s negative,”

She nodded in response, maybe Rob was onto something. 

“Maybe you should head back,” Rob suggested “It’s getting late and you don’t want them to come looking for you if they notice your gone,”

“Thought it didn’t matter?”

Rob laughed “Normally I’d agree but if you want to be able to get out and talk to me again you don’t want them to know I exist,”

Lexi nodded getting up from the swing “Thanks,”

“Speak soon,” Rob smiled watching her leave. Turning forward again on the swing he shook his head and laughed, a shit eating grin forming across his face. 

This was going to be too easy!


	7. Starting over

Ben’s greatest fear had always been becoming as bad a dad as Phil was. As a child he desperately craved that love and affection that he watched his father give Louise so effortlessly. He had spent so long wondering what was wrong with him and why wasn’t he worthy of the love that was bestowed upon his younger sister.

That feeling of never being good enough had never really gone away if he was honest. It clung to him like a second skin, tightening around him wherever insecurity loomed. The traumas in childhood never quite leave you, they just lurk like a dark form in the shadows ready to take hold in those bleak moments. For him Phil was that dark form, years of being made to feel unloved, unworthy and unwanted had screwed Ben Mitchell up so badly he didn’t know who he was anymore. Reality had hit him like a brick to the face last night. He had realised that if his relationship with Lexi carried on the way it was, he would soon become that dark form in her life. To her he would become that unreachable parent, that chink in her armour that would most definitely make the battle harder. He fast forwarded another five years in his mind and he could see Lexi setting off down the same murky path as him. He could see her ruining her prospects, throwing away her future, getting involved with unsuitable men because of her unresolved daddy issues. He didn’t want that for her, he didn’t want her to become him.

“Hey,” a soft voice pulled him back to reality. “You ok?” He had recognised it was Callum even before he looked up at him. That sweet voice had been playing a mantra in his heart for the past five years, he would know it anywhere. “Fancy some company?” Callum asked brightly. It took him a minute to process what his ex was asking “But if you would rather be alone,” Callum continued when he got no reply. 

He began to turn away when Ben responded panicked “What? No! Please stay” Callum nodded and sat down beside him on the bench in the square. He could hear a certain amount of desperation in Ben’s voice like he needed someone to confide in. 

“You finding it hard being back?” There was no animosity in Callum’s voice, he genuinely seemed concerned about him. Ben couldn’t understand why though. He had broken the man’s heart, left Callum and their relationship in tatters.

“A little,” Ben admitted sadly. He let his shoulders sag and sighed heavily “I knew it wasn’t going to be easily coming home. I knew that I couldn’t just slot back into the lives of the people I’d left behind,” He let the air hang between them momentarily, letting Callum know that he was included in that list. “I don’t know my place anymore and I don’t know how to make things right,”

“Right with whom?” Callum asked already knowing the answer.

“Lexi…. You,” Ben responded quietly looking up at Callum with sad eyes.

Callum gave him a soft smile and reached over to squeeze his hand briefly. The feeling sent a jolt of electricity through both of their hearts which they mutually acknowledged was there. “It’s going to take time with Lexi,” Callum began “She’s frightened to let you back in and she’s quite clearly jealous of the life you’ve built without her,”

“You mean my relationship with Peggy?” It was more of a statement than a question, yet Callum nodded in answer.

“She was seven years old and everything she knew had been turned on its head,” Callum explained “The person she loves most in the world is there one day and not the next. In some ways she grieved for you Ben, just like she would have if you’d died,” He noticed the pained look upon the younger mans face but continued “She acted out Ben Mitchell style,” he laughed gently trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t though. Callum cleared his throat at the clear awkwardness around them “Fighting, smashing windows, stealing, setting fire to school property. You name it, Lexi did it! And it was hard Ben, for all of us, but we understood that she was hurting. She was confused and typically blamed herself. Didn’t think she was good enough for you,” 

Ben looked up at Callum horrified at the notion, Lola had said as much several times but that was during a heated argument. Hearing it now from Callum in a calm manner really hit home. Before he had chance to reply Callum carried on “We all tried to reassure her, but it didn’t help. It took almost being expelled to scare her back to some sort of normality. But now….”

“Now I came back and ruined it,”

Callum shook his head “Stop with the pity party,” Ben could tell he was angry and disappointed, and he hated that “This is about Lexi, not you,”

“Sorry,” Ben responded dejected “Carry on,”

“You’ve come back into her life and your no longer daddy,” Callum answered “Neither of you are the same person you were five years ago, but the little girl who convinced herself that she’s the reason you left, is sitting there watching you play daddy to someone else. And it hurts!”

Ben eyes stung from the tears that were threatening to fall. When he left all those years ago, he had only seen the there and now. He hadn’t really looked far enough into the future to see the carnage he was going to leave behind. He’d been frightened of what was awaiting him and hadn’t considered what was awaiting those he loved. “How do I fix this Callum?” It was a question that he himself didn’t know the answer to so he was hoping that someone else would.

Callum pondered his response for a moment. He wanted to be tactful but at the same time he needed Ben to grasp the enormously of the situation. “Time, patience and the ability to take whatever she throws at you on the chin,” he answered truthfully “You need to prove to her that not only is she important to you, but that you’re going to stick around. She’ll test you, push all your buttons, push you away, tell you that she doesn’t want or need you. You’ve just got to keep proving that you’re here to stay,”

Ben smiled appreciably at him “How’d you get so wise about all this stuff?”

“I know Lexi, she’s her father’s daughter,” he answered affectionately “It’s just what you’d do,”

There was an unspoken moment between them. A silence that needed no words, two people who had held so much history in such short a space of time. Finally, Ben turned away “Callum I know there were things left unsaid…”

“It’s ok Ben,” Callum cut him off. The softness in his voice was reassuring “I’d really like us to start over……Be friends,”

“Yeah?” Ben glanced up at him and saw the warmth in his eyes. He felt lighter “I’d like that too,”

“Good,” Callum grinned. He knew that things could never go back to how they were, but he did want Ben Mitchell and all his chaos to again be a part of his life.


	8. Pushing the boundaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexi's a superstar and I wanted to give her, her own story. I promise there will be more Ben and Callum as the chapters progress. I hope you're all enjoying the story :)

“AGAIN!” Ben heard Lola complain down the phone before sighing “Right, thank you. We’ll be up first thing,” Terminating the call Ben and Jay watched Lola’s face change from exasperated to down right pissed off. “I’m going to kill her!”

“What’s Lex done now?” Jay asked sipping his coffee. Him and Ben had popped back from the car lot for a late lunch.

“Apparently she hasn’t turned up for afternoon registration,” Lola sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in the hope that it might reelevate her headache. No such luck. “That’s twice this week and it’s only Thursday,”

It had been a week since Lexi’s outburst and things in the household had been tense. She was barely speaking to anyone and when she wasn’t sneaking out, she was sulking in her room. “If she carries on bunking off like this not only will she fall behind, were going to get a massive fine,”

“I know it isn’t great Lo but she ain’t the first,” Jay answered “I mean I’m sure I remember you bunking off to hang around with me at the Arches,” He grinned fondly remembering how she wasn’t so subtly trying to steal him from Abi.

“Yes,” Lola stressed, her voice getting higher “I was also bunking off school and getting myself pregnant by confused gay guys,”

“Just the one,” Ben interjected “And I still maintain that you took advantage of me,”

“Ppptt!” Lola rolled her eyes “I didn’t force you into bed, did I? Look all I’m saying is she got 50% of my genes and 50% of yours,” giving Ben a pointed look the realisation quickly dawned on him.

“Shit!” he groaned “It’s worse than we thought,”

“Exactly, I….” Lola was interrupted by a knock at the front door.

“I’ll get it,” she heard Kathy call before turning back to the boys. Moments later the door opened, and Kathy motioned two police officers and a sullen Lexi through the door. 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me?” Lola threw her hands up in frustration.

Kathy reading the atmosphere in the room quickly retreated shutting the door firmly behind her.

“Lola Pearce?” the one officer enquired

Sighing loudly Lola answered “Yep, unfortunately,”

“Your daughter was detained by shop security for attempting to steal some make up from Superdrug this morning,”

Lexi watched all eyes on her and felt a small amount of satisfaction. Rob was right, it was fun to break the rules. Previously when she acted out it was because she was angry. Sure, that was a large contributing factor to why she was doing it, but she was getting to have a bit of fun at the same time.

“As it is a first offense, we have decided that it’s in no one’s best interest to press charges,” 

Lola let out a small breath that she had been holding in relief.

“It’s quite clear she’s a good kid,” the officer continued before turning and addressing Lexi directly “We’ll just put this down to a silly mistake that won’t happen again. Right Lexi?” 

Still looking unimpressed Lexi nodded, silently promising not to get caught next time.

“Thank you, officer,” Jay responded rising from his chair “I’ll show you out,” He closed the door again behind him, knowing that Lola was about to erupt. Lexi felt both of her parents disappointment long before they voiced it. Right now, it was just the three of them in the kitchen, they almost looked like a conventional family unit like this, but they weren’t. 

‘How could they be,’ Lexi thought to herself ‘When your mom is dating your dad’s brother and your dad’s ex-boyfriend is more like a father than the man whose DNA you’ve inherited. Then you add into the mix that you live with your mom, dad, uncle/stepdad along with a nan and grandad who aren’t even together anymore,’

“No wonder I’m so screwed up,” Lexi mumbled to herself.  
“Excuse me?” Lola snapped accusingly 

“Nothing,” Lexi answered, cursing herself for letting herself slip up. By this time Jay had slipped back into the room. He stood against the wall next to the door looking uncomfortable. Locking eyes with Ben he gave him a knowing look.

There was going to be fireworks!

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?” Lola screamed, the full force of her anger hitting them all like a gust of wind.

Lexi smirked and rolled her eyes dramatically, trying to make a point that Lola was taking everything way too seriously.

“I WILL WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE IN A MOMENT YOUNG LADY!!” 

“Of course, you will,” Lexi responded uninterested, she began to play with her nails making it quite clear she wasn’t listening.

“Are you trying to ruin your future?” Lola asked calming her voice, trying a fresh approach. She desperately needed to get through to her daughter.

“Like you did?” Lexi retorted spitefully.

“Lexi,” Ben chastised, noticing the hurt look on Lola’s face “It’s me your angry with not your mother so pack it in,”

“Wow,” Lexi began sarcastically “That sounded almost like parenting there BEN! Save it for Peggy ok,” It was a low blow, but she enjoyed seeing the wounded look across his face. Previously she may have felt slightly guilty delivering such a nasty comment. But now she didn’t feel anything but satisfaction.

“Why are you doing this? Lola asked distressed “Bunking off school and stealing make up,” 

“Didn’t feel like going in and fancied treating myself to a new mascara,” Lexi stated like it wasn’t worth getting stressed about.

“Since when did you start wearing make up anyway?” Lola asked, “Is this for some boy?”

“What? No!” Lexi exclaimed “We’re not all stupid enough to get ourselves knocked up,”

“ENOUGH!” Jay stepped forward into Lexi’s space. His normal quiet manner gone and instead he stood seething. Bending slightly so he was almost level with her, he spoke coldly and calmly, his voice controlled “GET. UPSTAIRS. NOW!” His voice was harsh and threatening making her flinch. Tears pooled in her eyes and she felt her lower lip wobble, before she pushed her way past him and ran up to her bedroom.

Ben had to admit he was quite impressed “You need to teach me how to do that mate,”

“Not now Ben,” Jay sighed, pulling a sobbing Lola into his arms. 

“I can’t do it again Jay,” she cried “I can’t….” 

Lexi could hear the soft cries of her mom as she carefully climbed down the drainpipe into the back garden hoping not to be detected. Momentarily she had the urge to go back inside and say sorry. She loved her mom and she hated upsetting her, but she had been backed into a corner and felt the only option was to bite back. Her phone beeped, Rob had texted her, stating he was outside, and the decision was made. Grabbing the rucksack, she had thrown to ground she headed out the back gate and into the night.


	9. Simon says

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning!
> 
> There will be parts of this story that might make readers feel a little uncomfortable, but rest assured it will never cross the line. I love the characters too much.

“Here she is,” Rob announced grinning as they stepped into the small flat in Shoreditch.

Lexi stepped into the room gingerly. Rob had said that he wanted her to meet his brother Simon. Simon had connections with a modelling agency and Rob had told her that she was so beautiful that she could model. She had blushed at the time; nobody had ever told her that she was beautiful before. 

“Lexi,” Simon rose to his feet greeting her with a warm smile. 

“Hi,” she responded nervously.

“Hey,” he said softly looking down at her “I don’t bite,”

A small giggle escaped Lexi as she began to visibly relax. 

“Fancy some Pizza?” Simon asked manoeuvring her towards the sofa.

“Sure,” she answered sitting down.

Rob and Simon exchanged a look. The former looking uneasy, while the latter smirking. “So, Lexi,” Simon feigned interest “Why don’t you tell me about yourself,” He leant forward, grabbing the vodka bottle in front of him and poured the young girl a glass.

“Si?” Rob questioned cautiously. He had thought this was a good idea, but now he wasn’t so sure.

“Relax Rob,” His brother assured “Lexi’s a big girl aren’t you sweetheart,”

She nodded appreciatively. It was nice that their was someone who didn’t treat her like a child. That was the most frustrating thing about her family, they still treated her like she was seven. She had been through so much over the last couple of years, she was far from being some stupid kid. 

Taking a large gulp from the glass Lexi winched “Err… that’s disgusting,”

Simon laughed “Here try this,” He grabbed a bottle of coke from the table in front of them and poured it into the glass.

Noticing a much more pleasant taste this time around Lexi gulped the liquid down like it was pop.

“Another?” Simon asked, filling the glass before Lexi had chance to answer.

“SIMON!” Rob repeated shaking his head.

“So, Lexi you were going to tell me about yourself” he asked ignoring the other man.

“What do you want to know?” she asked taking another sip. 

“What do you like doing,” Simon asked

“Erm… hanging out with my mates mainly, although some of them are really immature”

“But your, not are you?” Simon grinned “I bet your really grown up for your age,”

Lexi blushed “Yeah, I’m not really into the same things as my friends, they still play with dolls and watch cartoons,”

“While you’re into more grown up things like going out and wearing makeup,” he motioned to her face “You look very pretty by the way,”

“Thank you,” she coloured embarrassed.

“I reckon you could model,”

“Really?” Lexi beamed 

“Totally,” Simon smiled “I’ve got a friend who works for a modelling agency, I’ll mention you to him,” He took out his phone and pointed it at her “Smile,” he told her as he took the snap “I’ll send him your photo and if any work comes up I’ll let you know,”

“That would be amazing, thank you,” 

“No problem,” Simon replied “How bout the three of us sit a watch a movie? You haven’t got to head home, yet do you?” 

“No,” Lexi answered “I can stay. I doubt anyone will notice I’ve gone anyway,”. That wasn’t a lie, no one at home barely noticed her unless they were giving her a hard time. Peggy was the centre of attention now, and she hated it.

“Great,” Simon answered over enthusiastically, throwing his arm around her shoulder “Come on Rob,” he called turning back to look at the other man “You’re missing all the fun,” 

Begrudgingly Rob sat down of the other end of the sofa next to Lexi. A guilty feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach. Poor kid was so trusting, too trusting in fact.

Lexi started to feel woozy, her limbs felt heavy and the room was moving even though she was sitting still. She was so tired; she could feel herself slipping into a slumber. The film was getting quieter as time progressed and it was not long after that she had passed out completely.

“Lexi?” 

No answer!

“Lexi are you asleep?” Simon asked nudging her slightly. Still he got no response. “Dead to the world,” he grinned.

“Si, I’m starting think this is a bad idea,”

“Don’t you want Mitchell to get what’s coming to him,” he asked in a hushed tone, voice hard and angry.

“Oh course,” Rob responded passionately “But there must be another way,” He looked down at the sleeping girl beside him “She’s just a child,” he implored. 

“Colterol damage Rob,” Simon replied unfeeling “I want Mitchell to know what its like to lose everything. I want him to know that his daughter chose me over him,”

Off Rob cautious look Simon rolled his eyes and pulled a face “Not like that you lemon! Christ Rob! I’m a lot of things but I ain’t no pervert,” He seemed almost insulted. 

Rob nodded unsure. Simon’s need for revenge over Ben Mitchell was becoming an obsession. He thought he knew his brother inside out, but this thrust he had for taking Mitchell down frightened him. He was so fixated that he wouldn’t let anyone stand in his way, not even an innocent child.

“I’m going to take her home,” Rob told him, wanting to get the girl out of the flat as quickly as possible.

“Fine,” Simon sighed annoyed. He watched Rob stand up and put his one arm behind Lexi’s back and the other under her knees to pick her up. She weighed next to nothing and was fairly sure that he could carry her back down to the car without disturbing her.

Heading towards the door, he stopped and turned around to his brother’s voice “Rob,” his sounded irritated “Don’t screw this up,”

Rob sighed and headed towards the door without responding.


	10. Found out

“Text Lo,” Ben told Jay as they stood outside the car lot “And ask her what everyone wants from the chippy,”

“Do you eat anything other than junk food,” Jay sighed pulling his phone out 

“Well I figured that maybe a group of us could go out for a drink tonight, so a takeaway might be easier,”

“Mate not sure Lo will want to go out tonight after what happened earlier with Lexi,”

“Come on bruv, I’m sure I can persuade mom to babysit. I think we all need to cut loose for a bit,” he nudged his brother with his shoulder “You, me, Lo, Lou…maybe Callum…” 

“Oooh maybe Callum!” Jay mocked childishly “Ben and Callum sitting in a tree…”

“Oh pack it in!” Ben groaned shoving his brother playfully “He’s just a mate,”

“Is it even possible for the two of you to ‘just’ be mates?” Jay asked sceptically “I mean neither one of you have dealt with your break up,”

“What makes you say that?” Ben asked insulted.

“Well…. Since you broke up,” Jay began “You’ve turned into a monk and Callum has been trying to bang his way through the alphabet,”

Ben gave him an unimpressed look as they walked towards the gardens to cut through the square. The idea of Callum screwing other men upset him even after all these years. It’s funny that every so often a person comes into your life and shakes it to it’s core. Callum had certainly done that. A car pulling to an abrupt halt outside the Mitchell home grabbed their attention and thus pulled Ben out of his thoughts. As quickly as it arrived it was gone screeching past them at speed. Then they noticed a small stumbling figure fall upon the pavement. “Lexi!” Ben yelled, taking off quickly towards her, with Jay in hot pursuit. Reaching his daughter, he found that she was now on her hands and knees, emptying the contents of her stomach into the sewage drain next to her.

“Jesus!” Ben exclaimed crouching down beside her, rubbing her back. Noticing the smell of vodka laced with the stench of sick, Ben quickly concluded that she had been drinking. And quite a lot from the look of it. Ben had drunk so much over the years that he could recognise that his daughter was indeed wasted. Hell! He was pretty sure that many years ago, he himself was more than once bent over this spot retching his guts up into the same drain.

“Jay, go grab her a glass of water,” Ben instructed “But try not to alert anyone to what’s going on, just yet,” Nodding the older man headed through the back door and returned moments later, handing the glass to a shaky Lexi.

“Drink it slow,” Ben ordered.

Nodding gently, afraid that moving to quickly would set off the vomiting again, Lexi took small sips trying to get herself back under control.

“Lola is going to freak when she sees her like this,” Lexi grimaced at Jay’s words. If her mother saw her like this it was going to be twice as hard to get out and see Rob and Simon again, as Lola would never let her out of her sight again.

“That’s if she finds out,” Ben’s words surprised both his daughter and brother.

“Are you kidding me?” Jay asked astonished “Please tell me you’re not suggesting we cover this up?”

“Come on Jay,” Ben reasoned “It’s not like we both haven’t done it ourselves,”

“Not at twelve we didn’t,”

“Oh god!” Lexi groaned “I think I’m going to be sick again…” 

Ben and Jay both winced as Lexi again bent over the drain and was again sick.

“Fantastic,” Jay threw his hands up in frustration “You reckon Lola isn’t going to suss what’s going on?”

“Please Uncle Jay,” Lexi whimpered, her bottom lip wobbling “I’m sorry I didn’t…..,”

“Oh no!” Jay groaned “Don’t go giving me those baby blues, that’s not fair,”

“Jay lets just get her up and take her back to the car lot to sober up a bit,” Ben put his hands underneath her arms and hoisted her up when he got to his feet. Still unsteady she clung to him as she wobbled on the pavement. Ben smiled despite the situation. This was the first time in weeks she had relied on him, the first time she had let him close. Arm around her waist he guided her back over to the car lot, with Jay begrudgingly following behind.

Ben opened the door to the cabin and guided Lexi down onto the sofa nearest his desk. 

“Thank you,” she simply said.

Ben gave Jay at look that translated into ‘Well it’s a start!’ Jay grabbed a bucket that was outside the door and put it in front of his step-daughter. “If you’re going to throw up, do so in this,” he told her annoyed “Don’t want to be scrubbing chunks out of the carpet,”

She nodded as he handed her the rest of the water he carried over to the car lot. Taking a few more sips the bile started to settle in both her throat and stomach. 

“You feeling any better?” Ben asked as he pulled his office chair from behind his desk and sat down in front of her. 

“A little,” she managed to get out “Rooms moving a bit,”

“Yeah, that’s normal,” Ben reassured “You’re going to feel even worse tomorrow,” 

Lexi looked at him horrified, the thought of feeling any worse than she already did frightened her.

“She’ll feel even worse once her mother finds out!” Jay’s no nonsense informed them. He stood over her, arms folded looking just as unimpressed as he had this afternoon when the police had arrived on the doorstep. 

“That can wait,” Ben snapped at his brother, turning to glare at him. 

“Seriously?”

“Yes Jay,” Ben answered turning back to his daughter “Right now I want to know whose car you stumbled out of?”

“I don’t know,” she lied. A lie that she knew there was no point in telling. She knew that they weren’t stupid enough to accept that as an answer. But it was worth a try.

“You don’t know?” Ben repeated, trying his best to keep his voice remaining calm. Currently he was just about succeeding but he wasn’t sure how much longer he would manage it. “My twelve year old daughter is dropped home and dumped on the pavement drunk by some one old enough to drive a car. And you think ‘I don’t know’ is an adequate answer?”

Lexi looked down at the floor feeling guilty. She could see the concern across his features. Her dad actually seemed to care for once. “Sorry dad,” 

“Who dropped you home Lex?”

“I don’t know,” she lied

“Seriously!” Jay yelled throwing his hands in the air “You really expect us to believe that you got into the car of a stranger,”

“I did,” Lexi cried. “Honest, my mates ditched me,” she lied. If she told the truth, she would never see Rob and Simon again. And she didn’t want that! They were the only ones who seemed to understand her. “I’m sorry daddy,” she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

Ben moved from his spot and pulled her into his arms. “I was so scared,” she cried “It was so dark. Then…. the car… pulled up and…. the man said that I….,” her sobs began to prevent the boys from understanding her clearly. She felt like she was putting on the performance of a life time and wasn’t sure if she was actually going to pull it off.

“Shhh,” Ben soothed holding her tight and stroking her hair. Here in his arms Lexi could momentarily forget how much he’d hurt her. She smiled into his shirt and took in the scent of his aftershave, she felt like she was seven years old again. Cuddled up in her father’s arms, she felt safe once more. But then she remembered Peggy in his arms and how he would always put her first. It was then she stopped felling guilty.

“He didn’t touch you, did he baby?” Ben’s voice was full of fear and anxiety, he exchanged a look with Jay. Both of them silently praying not.

“No daddy,” Lexi assured him as she pulled back to look in his eyes “He was just a nice man who stopped and said I shouldn’t be walking on my own in the dark. I promise, he just drove me home,” 

Ben visibly relaxed and pulled her back into his arms “Oh thank god,” He kissed her hair and pulled her closer.

Jay knelt down in front of them “Sweetheart,” he began, grabbing her attention. She looked over at him as Ben loosened his grip on her “You have been very lucky,” he told her “That man could have done anything to you. Not everyone is a good person Lexi,”

“I’m sorry Uncle Jay,” 

“You should have called one of us,” he gently chastised her “Me, your dad, Uncle Callum! One of us would have come and got you if you’d called,”

“I was scared,” she admitted “I thought you’d be angry with me,”

“Well were not exactly impressed that you were out drinking,” Jay lectured.

“But…” Ben interrupted “We’d have been more angry if something had happened to you as you made your way home alone,”

“You have got to promise us that you won’t ever do that again,” Jay said seriously.

“I promise,” Lexi agreed nodding. Looking between her father and uncle she looked downcast “Do you have to tell mom?”

“We can’t hide it from her,” Jay reasoned “She’d freak,”

“She’ll freak if she knows,” Lexi stressed “She’s already upset with me, I don’t want to disappoint her anymore than I have,”

“Maybe we could sober her up enough just to sneak her back upstairs and let her sleep it off,” Ben suggested.

“You’re asking me to lie to Lola?”

“No, I’m asking you just not to bring it up,” Ben grinned.

Rising to his feet, Jay groaned in frustration “And what kind of message does this give Lex,” he motioned to his step-daughter.

“That we trust her enough not to do it again,” Ben argued “Come on Jay…have a heart,”

“Alright!” he responded “This one time, but…” he turned to Lexi “Best behaviour from now on missy… this is your last chance,”

Standing up and throwing her arms around his middle she nodded “Thank you Uncle Jay,”

“Yeah, well…” he rolled his eyes and squeezed her around the middle “Don’t make me live to regret it!”

“Great,” Ben enthused rising to his feet “Just got to figure how we get her home unseen now!”


End file.
